. jealousy is such a bad trait, not righteous at all. But they all weren't appalled. I heard Teenage Daughter Amish asking if there was somewhere she could change her "bloomers." I wasn't wearing bloomers, but my thong needed replacing like the original Darren on "Bewitched." The first clue was then located in an envelope, on a messy desk. I read aloud:"The more you take, the more you leave behind?" Everyone stood around looking to me for a solution like I was Paul Lynde on "Hollywood Squares." Elementary," I retorted in my best Benedict Cumberbatch dialect. The answer is (Wait for it!)... footprints. At which point we went en masse to the next room, following a very visible set of footprints through generic cat food, the loud crunching making conversation impossible, so I resorted to sign language. While looking at Cyn, I spread my index and middle fingers wide then let my tongue slither between them enticingly. The international language. Mom Amish watched, screamed, "Mein Gott,". .."he'll get lost again....you watch". Well, like a self-fulfillingprophecy ...I did get lost again..and again and again..and it was a longdark hour after midnite before I finally pulled in front of lone cabinin the middle of nowhere.Oh how pleasant these two where...Bess and Bob...both in their sixtiesand as comforting as any doting grandparents..."oh you poor boy...youmust be exhausted...here get settled...there...let me get you somethingto drink...Bob..get his things and bring them in"I dont remember too much after those first few sips of tea....someonesaid..."there, there dear....get your rest....tomorrow the adventurebegins".THE NEXT DAY LATE SATURDAY MORNINGSometimes you wake up alert...sometimes you wake up sleepy....thismorning i woke up groggy...as if i'd been drugged. It was taking me aforever time to remember how i came to be in this strange bed with pinklinens naked and alone. Then...as my body woke up...the pain started. Inmy crotch and feet....both places felt distinctly.
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